This post is all about me. If you don't like it, get your own blog.
I struggle to retain some semblance of faith in God. I have not had an experience that I can recall, which proves to me that God exists, loves me, and wants to play an active role in my life. My seed is still trying to grow, so to speak, and I don't have a perfect knowledge. Sometimes that fact frustrates me, as I'm encompassed about by people who, from my perspective, have no lack of faith, and no trouble believing. I want that gift, but I only want it if it's faith in something true. I don't want faith in Thomas Monson, or faith in a handbook, or faith in The Church (TM). Any faith I had in Thomas Monson would do neither of us any good, anyway. If there's a God, I want faith in Him.
This lack of perfect knowledge makes life hard. I read a blog post today by someone who seems to feel much the same way I do. The author wanted to know God, and though various authority figures and their sycophants might say the author was neglecting some simple duty ("Read, Pray, and Go to Church, Brother, and All will be Well!"), he appears to have given it everything, but apparently to no avail. He has, I guess, decided his efforts were in vain, and that's about the only difference between him and me: I have a few little bits of evidence that tell me there's probably something to this God business.
Perhaps one day I, like the author of that blog, will see those bits of evidence wither away. I hope not. I want, so very much, to believe, but only if what I'm believing is actually true. I won't take psychological phenomena as proof, nor will I accept carefully crafted flatteries and philosophies of men, like the Church has peddled more and more often lately. I want the true fruits of the gospel, as promised in scripture. I want to see my seeds of faith grow into perfect knowledge.
When this lack of knowledge gets difficult, there's really just one thing that keeps it interesting, to me, and that is this: there are people who say that Christ himself has come to them, taught them, introduced them to God the Father, and made promises with them. Those testimonies give me hope.
I struggle to retain some semblance of faith in God. I have not had an experience that I can recall, which proves to me that God exists, loves me, and wants to play an active role in my life. My seed is still trying to grow, so to speak, and I don't have a perfect knowledge. Sometimes that fact frustrates me, as I'm encompassed about by people who, from my perspective, have no lack of faith, and no trouble believing. I want that gift, but I only want it if it's faith in something true. I don't want faith in Thomas Monson, or faith in a handbook, or faith in The Church (TM). Any faith I had in Thomas Monson would do neither of us any good, anyway. If there's a God, I want faith in Him.
This lack of perfect knowledge makes life hard. I read a blog post today by someone who seems to feel much the same way I do. The author wanted to know God, and though various authority figures and their sycophants might say the author was neglecting some simple duty ("Read, Pray, and Go to Church, Brother, and All will be Well!"), he appears to have given it everything, but apparently to no avail. He has, I guess, decided his efforts were in vain, and that's about the only difference between him and me: I have a few little bits of evidence that tell me there's probably something to this God business.
Perhaps one day I, like the author of that blog, will see those bits of evidence wither away. I hope not. I want, so very much, to believe, but only if what I'm believing is actually true. I won't take psychological phenomena as proof, nor will I accept carefully crafted flatteries and philosophies of men, like the Church has peddled more and more often lately. I want the true fruits of the gospel, as promised in scripture. I want to see my seeds of faith grow into perfect knowledge.
When this lack of knowledge gets difficult, there's really just one thing that keeps it interesting, to me, and that is this: there are people who say that Christ himself has come to them, taught them, introduced them to God the Father, and made promises with them. Those testimonies give me hope.